The Console Kings
Feburary 23 2007

Our first battle was a real hum-dinger! We faced the Kings of the Konsole, a california based clan that numbers about 20 - 25. The first three matches we played were hosted by k2, with friendly fire ON! Twas a shame this little detail wasen't brought to our attention until hockeytemper delivered a friendly love tap... with a shotgun... to Creepy Muffin's back. This first match was on gridlock, and BOY, DID WE GET SLAUGHTERED! It was apparent that host location was a big factor in this battle. Bullet lag was very noticable. Frustrated and humiliated, we moved onto the next match.

The Second match was on clocktower, and like some cliche football movie, we transformed from a ragtag group of misfits, into a well lubed gears of war MACHINE without the need for a shitty montage! The hands down greatest moment during the whole clan battle occured on this map when we drew to the 11th round, 5 to 5, First to six. The Piano Man was outnumbered 2 to 1. He engaged one of the enemy in a shotgun swirling death battle! JUST AT THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!

- A CONNECTION PROBLEM! -

Piano man desperatly mashed his trigger, staring the enemy dead in the eyes! (No pun intended) A tense moment passed by, gameplay resumed, PIANO MAN BLASTED HIS SHIT SO HARD THE SEPTIC TANK BROKE! IN THE SAME MOMENT THE OTHER ENEMY DISCONNECTED AND VICTORY WAS OURS! We knew this was a devastating blow for the Kings of the Konsole. We won a match on THEIR turf.

When it came time for us to host, we were down 2 to 1. But with the host advantage, we briskly creamed their asses (not literally) and brought it to a 3 to 2 our lead. Releived and for the first time, optimistic, the final battle was on.

Our last hosted map was War Machine, things were neck and neck the whole way through and we put up a good fight, but in the end, we lost, it was all HockeyTempers fault. From there, we moved onto the tiebreaker....

Collectivly, our palms were sweating, eyes bloodshot, hearts pumping like a frieght-train outta hell. 3 rounds, 3 victories. Just as I was starting to feel a bit relieved, one of their teammates left. Confusion set in. The enemy was shorthanded for 3 rounds, needless to say, and we won without any major problems.

But was is this? Where is my victory scream? My great relief that The Squanderers have come out on top? The truth is, when the enemies fourth left, he stole my victory. Techincally, we won. But in my heart, MY HEART!... I knew it was a sham. I just could'nt accept a victory knowing they had such a disadvantage. We needed a second tiebreaker.

Map: Escalation. Once again, our palms were sweating, eyes bloodshot, hearts pumping like a frieght-train outta hell. We fought the best god-damned fight we had. And it was ALL we had, we were exhasuted. 10 rounds went by, 10 long, gritty motherfucking rounds.

The last round started. being on the top of esclation is worse than being out of he green zone in Iraq, grenades landed left and right, sniper fire kept our heads down. We start losing people, taking a couple of those bastards with us. CreepyMuffin faces 3 charging locusts, and man did they look fucking PISSED. Our hearts sunk. But wait, WHAT IS THIS? PIANO MAN IS CHARGING FROM BEHIND! HES FIRING HIS SHOTGUN LIKE A PROGRAMMED KILLER ! LETS COUNT THE LOCUST EXPLOSIONS!:

ONE! SPLAT! TWO SPLAT! THREE MOTHERFUCKING SPLAT!

VICTORY GOES TO THE SQUANDERERS TODAY! THE VICTORIOUS BASK IN GREATNESS, AND THE TEARS OF THE ENEMY SOAK THE GROUND!

There it is. Theres my victory scream. Theres my great relief that The Squanderers have come out on top. Everything is good now

PianoMan gets the MVP award today!